Part 9: Bath Census

Bath Census

Music: Home Sweet Home


Another day, another quest.



Looks like someone didn't finish eating it!
Yuck! Who would be eating in the bath...?

Spoilers: It's Pia. She has an eternal vendetta against squid.


We are living in a literal tree house. How are we even supposed to heat this thing in the winter?

Oh, you don't have to worry about that. The Sharance Tree is nearly impervious to fire.
Whew. That's good to hear.
I'm glad you asked. Every responsible homeowner should be concerned about fire safety.
Yes.

By the way, about these mosquitoes...


Can we at least get some bug nets over the entry stairs?



You don't even like sweeter vegetables?

Vegetables, Rusk, eat them, etc.



I'll leave it to you then. (It's today.)
What?!

Same response for all three. Oh, Karina. You're...a person, alright.



Yeah. Looks like I'm out at the moment. Or out of what I need, anyway!
That seems to happen a lot with you. What do you need, exactly?
Scrap Metal.
Scrap Metal?!
Why are you yelling?
Well...sometimes, I just yell for no reason. It's kinda how I roll.
You're weird.
Yeah, it's a personality quirk, I guess. So I just need to bring Scrap Metal?
Yes. And no yelling when you bring it, okay?

To the mines! Without yelling.



Oh! I-It's not like I'm expecting to get anything from Karina!
Oh, I haven't said anything, yet...

'I...it's not like I wanted a birthday present or anything, baka!'


People love getting random vegetables for their birthday, right?



I really like this! Thank you!

This is the fantasy middle ages, of course they do.


Cologne time.

What does that even mean?
I'm not sure. That's what Grandfather called it. It must be some old expression.

This is one of the worst colognes you could get, because it only gives points for two people. Oh well, can't argue with free points either way.


The resident olds are the ones who like it, in case Shara wasn't obvious enough.



Do you go there to fight...?
Hm?
Never mind...



I see...
Is there something in the forest?
No...I just felt like asking...

Odd as ever.



I told you I was free. But that was a bald-faced lie. I was actually upset about something.
Oh, right. Don't worry about it. It's fine.
Great! No hard feelings, then! And I never want to see your loathsome, detestable visage again!
You don't?!

Yes, Link's already had it clarified that Sofia speaks in opposites. Yes, he's still getting confused by it.


We're practically tripping over the stuff with our low mining skill, it's not a very hard fetch quest.

Oh, is that the outfit you're working on over there?
Yep! Just needed to add the final touches! Scrap Metal!
So I take it that's an outfit for guys?
Absolutely. Men need something testosterone-laden to really make their outfits "pop." I focus on female fashion, of course, but I dabble in male fashion as well.
Well, it's good you're an equal-opportunity offender, then.
Er, I mean, it's good that you offer both male and female fashions!
Thanks! I take a lot of pride in my work! So, this outfit's for Gaius. You think it suits him?
Uh...lemme think about this...


It's criminal that we never get to see him wearing this.

Hmm...It could work.
Wow, you really think so?! I was worried it was a little too...understated. I'm glad you think it suits him, though. That's reassuring.
Yeah, well, I don't think you need to add any more "flavor."
Flavor? You think maybe I should add some cheesecake or peach slices?
It's, uh...fine as it is. Really. Trust me.
Well, if you say so! Here's a little something for your fashion consulting!



You know, you've got a little bit of fashionista in you! I'll definitely be hiring you again!






Oh, that! Cool! I could really use your help. It's for the census!
The census? For the town, you mean?
No, it's the bath census! Question the first! You like your water warm or cold?


What kind of weirdo likes cold baths? But thanks to the power of text dumps, we can hear all three responses!

Smmmooookin'! Somebody stop you!
Uh, I like my baths as hot as possible. What can I say?

>Tepid

I think you ain't nothin' but a gutless yellow jerk! And I'm givin' you to the count of 10 to prove me wrong!
Are you...threatening me?
Oh, I just overheard some vagabond say that one time when he was fighting. I always thought that line sounded really cool!
Ah, okay. Though you wanted me to put up my dukes! But yeah, that is kind of a cool line!

>Cold

What, you think this is a kiddie pool? You're just gonna hop in the shallow end with your life jacket?
Uh...no. I just prefer my water cold!

Pia's pretty strong evidence that something's in the water around here.

Question the second!
Oh, there's more than one question?



What?! Now you're just making up colors, buddy!
Uh, but it was one of the options.
Clerical error. I blame the gnomes! They're not very skilled copy editors...well, moving on!
Wait, wasn't that last question invalid, then?
Nope! The gnomes have the final say!
I'm not even gonna get into that...

>Milky white

White is the new black!
Huh? Who told you that?
Sakuya! So, I take it you like black, too?
Uh, yeah. Sure.

>Tan

Ah, the color of iron! The water turns that color when iron oxidizes!
Wow, I didn't think.you were much into science!
Oh, I can drop so much science on you! For example, don't stay in iron-colored water too long! You'll rust!
Uh, I'm not made of metal!

I'm not thinking it's iron in the water, but it's definitely a metal of some sort.



Slimy? Hey, isn't that copyright infringement?
Hmmm...
Oily?
Oh, it's getting farther.

>Silky

Silky's nice...but I think I prefer suede-textured water!
Is that even biologically possible...?

>Crunchy

You've got great taste in water texture! That's my favorite, too!
I was actually joking...
Don't be dissing crunch water, buddy!

It does make me wonder why the older people are the sanest, though. Maybe you develop a resistance to the water over time?



A prize? For a census?!
I'll come around again next census!
I'm gonna have to go through this nonsense again?!


All that for some juice.



The Sharance Tree...can I dye it a new color?
Uh, what color?
Daria's special rainbow!
Wouldn't a rainbow be lots of colors?
Yes! But no! The colors are different, but so inseparable that they might as well be one!
Well, that sounds interesting. But I think a lot of people would get angry if you painted the tree.
Oh, that's too bad.


Back to the forest.



Stairs...I guess I can go down.




I'm not sure this is a suitable job for our local rainbow-obsessed artist, but she's our best shot.



A broken bridge? How mundane. I'm sure I could fix it, but where's the art in that?
Come on, a great artist like you? I'm sure you can find something artistic to do with it.
You're right! A great artist can make art out of anything! Leave it to me! I'll build you a bridge like you've never seen!


Of course she can summon rainbows out of thin air. Did you really expect anything less?



Some of this! And some of that! This! Is!
Art!! Rainbow!!!

No, this is Link. Art is in the RF4 LP.


It's another masterpiece! A bridge like no other!


Link just doesn't understand the artistic process.



Wow. Daria wasn't kidding about the bridge being unique. It's really...something.


I kind of love it.


The rest of the day is spent murdering things and harvesting drops. The stuff coming up isn't super hard, but I'd rather go in fresh.